If I Say

If I say, “I’m going to obey God and do everything He tells me to because I believe that if I continually behave, then God will someday give me everything I want and will occasionally reward me for good behavior along the way,” then I’ll be seriously disappointed. This type of ideology is bad theology. God doesn’t promise health, wealth, prosperity, or well-being. What He does promise is to always be with me no matter how difficult life gets. He promises to love me and give me eternal life. His love is unconditional. His life, however, is contingent on my willingness to accept it and believe. I’m so full of doubt and unbelief sometimes, though, it’s no wonder God can’t get anything good to me. I undercut every opportunity. I expect a mess from every situation, so that’s exactly what I get.

Painting Naked

Call me altruistic, but I believe in leading a transparent life of honor and integrity. I may not have the courage it takes to always be honest with others or myself. I often circum to depression; I fall prey to fatalism. I lose hope. But when I remember that all that is required of me is that I do my best, that I surrender the stubbornness of my will, that there is always a second chance to walk by faith and to believe, then I can humbly ask for forgiveness, grant forgiveness to others, and begin anew.

Mine

Where is God in the picture of my life? Is He in the center, along the periphery, or somewhere beyond the confines of the frame? God refuses to play second fiddle. He is the main melody. His plan is the reality my perception must align with. He won’t adjust His plan to account for what I want. He knows which direction is for the best. I can choose to follow Him, or I can end up where He wants me in spite of my resistance and hesitation. Keeping God in the center, playing in accordance with His tune, following His way is always the better choice. So why do I keep trying to plow my own row? What’s the point of resisting the mightiest power of the universe? It just leaves me frustrated, confused, and continually disappointed, and that’s not God’s way, it’s mine.

No Shame

I’m tired of keeping it a secret. There’s hidden sin in my life, crouching in the dark recesses of my past, begging to not be exposed. But I refuse to allow it to shame me any longer. I have herpes. I’m not proud to be a carrier of the herpes virus. I’m not trying to justify the promiscuous lifestyle I led as a teenager that resulted in my contracting the virus. But, as a writer, a Christian, and a self-appointed proclaimer of truth, I cannot allow any part of my life to be withheld from public scrutiny.

Energize

I’m a lazy, selfish and stubborn individual. Admitting my weaknesses is the first step in overcoming them. I have to actively decide to resist my natural tendencies to sit, eat junk food, and think about what I wish I had in my life, or those are the only things I will ever accomplish.
The second step is to know my strengths. I enjoy doing things to help other people. I love to dance, ride my bike, and go for a run. Reading and writing inspire me and make me feel as though I have accomplished something worthwhile with my time. Listening to worship music refreshes my mind and my spirit.
The third step is to know my limitations. If I focus too much on assisting others, then I start to feel bad that there isn’t more I can do to help. I begin to feel lonely and isolated when I’m not able to be with someone else. And I begin to resent other people for not allowing me to do more for them or for not appreciating the service I wish to offer.
Exercise is awesome, but if I push myself too hard or too far, it backfires. I injure myself or make myself physically sick with overexertion. It also takes a mental toll; I decide to take it easy for a while so my body can rest and heal, then it’s that much more difficult to get myself going again. I need to be able to recognize the tipping point between pushing my body to develop greater strength and endurance and burning out my source of enthusiasm.